I sit, legs crossed on my fancy, brand new meditation pillow. It’s light blue with the figure of a person sitting in sukhasana (cross-legged, for my non-yogis).
I get comfortable and close my eyes, determined to meditate.
The breath becomes a slow, rhythmic motion.
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The tongue falls from the roof of the mouth.
“I wonder what I should have for lunch later.”
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“My hair is in my face. Should I fix it? Or is that non-meditation-like? I could do it fast and then get back into it. Oh, well, I guess just thinking about all of this is breaking my meditation.”
OK, OK, concentrate.
“Inhale; exhale; inhale; exhale. Ted told us during teacher training that one of the best ways to hone our meditation practice is by focusing on the breath. Look at me, I’m doing a really good job!”
Inhale; exhale; inhale; exhale.
“I wonder what everyone is up to. I wonder how many people are teaching regularly. Why am I thinking about training?”
This isn’t working. I feel like I’m failing. Should I just stop?
“I could stop and plan how much it’ll cost me to renovate my kitchen. Should I order the appliances first or rip out the cabinets?”
I should really be meditating. OK, OK get back to it.
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I open my eyes, and 30 minutes have gone by.
I take a deep inhale, and a long exhale. Was any of that really meditation? Oh well, tomorrow is a new day.
I meditate twice a day — in the morning and at night — but I never said I was perfect at it. I believe that part of the practice is simply allowing yourself to have that time to sit and be still — and not beating yourself up if (or when) your mind happens to wander.
Because hey, it will. And it’s not a big deal.
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